Behavioral Violation for Symphony Orchestras

Orchestra season has started up again.  This Sunday I’ll be performing with the Brevard Philharmonic, with violinist Rachel Barton Pine performing a piece I wasn’t familiar with before, Scottish Fantasy for Violin and Orchestra, Op. 46 by Max Bruch.  We’ll also be performing Beethoven’s Overture to Fidelio and Mendelssohn’s Symphony No. 5.

In the spirit of the season, here is something everyone who performs with orchestras can take to your next rehearsal and hand out with abandon.  I should probably not be spreading this around, as I see that I am most recently in violation of the following:

  1. Stupid questions ($10)
  2. Conspicuous Professional Reading ($35)
  3. Pencil Behind Ear ($25)
  4. Conspicuous Part Marking ($15)
  5. Discussing Technique During Break ($200)
  6. Tiresome, Time-Consuming Anecdotes About Famous Musician (second-hand) ($60)
  7. Warming Up Onstage So Loudly No One Else Can ($250)
  8. Unnecessarily Obvious insertion of Earplugs ($15)
  9. Conversing With Management (non-hostile) ($25)

Total Fine:  $635

It looks as if I will finish the season owing the orchestras I play with a lot more than I usually make.

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